I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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