i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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