You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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