I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
