We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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