I got chris browned last night
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
