Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
