So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
