guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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