I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
