these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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