Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
