I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize