I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
