I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
