Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
