Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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