Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
