Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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