The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
