Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
