butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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