Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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