Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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