just come out here and I will go home with you...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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