Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i barfeds in our rink
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
