so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
