if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
