my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
