The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
