ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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