so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
