yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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