Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
