I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
