Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
