you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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