There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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