We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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