remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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