found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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