Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
