Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love you. Go after that dick
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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