I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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