You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
where are my pants?
in the oven.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
