so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
