i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize