Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
