he shaved USA in his pubs
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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