The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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