If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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