brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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