we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
