You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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