eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
