if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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