I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
