Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize