Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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