I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
