I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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