5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
