what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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