u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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