I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize