its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize