South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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