it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
