I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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