i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
