You're my little dorito
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize