Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
